bff

when i was a little girl, maybe about 7 years old, i had a purple judy jetson diary that my mom bought at great america. it had a gold lock that i broke -- diary access emergency.

i named the diary di-di, just like judy's diary.

i used to write the names of boys i liked and then cross them out in case any one ever read it. Sometimes, I would make up cute and exciting boys that just moved to my block and tell the girls at school about him. I would write fake entries and show my friends as if that made it more real. It was okay to like imaginary boys, but i didn't want to like anyone based in reality, anyone my friends could run and tell. I used to have an imaginary boyfriend named Casey. He had blonde spikey hair and a rat tail.

i used to make lists of all my friends in order of best friend-ness. Every couple of weeks, i would change who was number one.

The summer after third grade, Eli didn't call me at all. I thought she didn't want to be my friend anymore. I was ready to take out a sharpie and cross her name out for good. As it turned out, she was spending the summer at her grandparent's house in Kansas and I didn't know. I'm glad I kept her on the list. 20 years later, she's still there.

i would jot down what friends were going to be my bridesmaids in my wedding to the boy of the dreams.

Some things haven't changed.